Today was not too bad. I must be getting used to the woodpecker feeling on my head as I could have fallen asleep in the chair. I noticed this weekend a little improvement already in my mood. The nurse who was administering my treatment today asked how I was feeling, and I told her a felt a little relieved. She looked mildly surprised and said she had never heard anyone describe it that way.
To clarify, I am beginning to feel relief from the on and off hopelessness, the poor self esteem, and the despair, to name a few. It was irritating to be up and down all day long, going from sort of okay to totally depressed.
But this weekend I noticed a little change. I noticed that I didn’t feel so hopeless. I felt a little lighter. I felt more than my usual so-so. This is what brought me to describe it as relief. I actually smiled without someone trying to make me laugh. Maybe people will stop telling me to smile because I will be smiling on my own accord. I feel this development on my mood is promising for the TMS.
I also wrote a nice four page letter to my insurance company asking why they considered TMS as “investigational” when I have a list of other states that cover it. I sent them this list along with my letter. I did find a document from 2011 explaining why they decided to to cover it. It listed five reasons. I disputed each reason in my letter. I am not backing down on this one. I’ll write as many letters and make as many phone calls as it takes to get the insurance company to cover TMS.
Watch out, insurance company.